The Hookup | Top 10 Checklist

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Two years and a lot of traveling around has opened my mind to the idea of a hookup. Prior to moving around the country for various reasons, I was never really into the idea of hooking up, but now, as a single, gay man, I’m on the hunt for a little fun.

I’m far from the master, but I do have some nuggets of wisdom I can share. This may be obvious, but to some, it could be alien. So here are a few suggested preparatory tasks to consider before taking the plunge.

1 Brush those pearly whites! It goes without saying, a funky breath is an instant game changer. If you’re expecting to have a night of intense kissing, a quick brush will do you both a favour. Why not a quick swill of mouthwash you may say? Well, what if you have a stubborn seed from your mid-morning snack or a piece of salad reminding you of that disastrous ‘new year, new you’ healthy January lunch you ate earlier? It’s best to brush and hope he’s done the same!

2 Give your guys a wash. Showering is key, even if you think you don’t smell. Pop your hand down your pants and give your balls a bit of a feel. Unless you’re void of all body functions or have a little guy down there spraying your junk with ocean breeze body mist, you need to give them a clean. You know what I’m talking about, lads, squashing your bits into tight briefs is all well and good from the outside, but inside it’s getting nasty real quick!

3 Tidy up the tackle. Now, I’m all for a hairy guy but there’s a level of pubic hair that is only suitable in 1970’s porn films. Keep that stuff cropped and neat. There’s nothing worse than the risk of the mood killer by having a pube in the back of the throat. Don’t go crazy, however, a bit of hair is a turn on for most. And to go back a step, being hairless increases the amount of ‘stickiness’ that goes on down there. Keep some bush; a nice pruned privet, not a hedge.

4 Pick the pants that give you a boost. There are many types of underwear out there, but you want to present your goodies like a Christmas gift box. You want to dazzle and make them smile. A decent pair of briefs or boxer briefs is what I’d suggest. Andrew Christian has a great design with an inbuilt ball lifter, making your package look outstanding. However, present them accordingly — if you’re not the biggest of chaps, then don’t make it appear huge for them to be disappointed. Don't lie. Be honest.

5 Broaden your horizons, branch out and try new things. If you know this is a one-time thing, go crazy and have fun. If you find yourself stuck having vanilla sex, this is your chance to throw in some spice. You get to be a whole new you if you’d like. Most importantly, however, have fun!

6 Get lubed up! Hands dry up and there’s only so much spit a guy can muster and if you’re up at the top having a good kiss, you’re stuck. If you’re getting handsy with a guy, or someone’s got a grip on your little guy, there will come a time where you’re moments away from starting a small forest fire in your pubes. This is where a good lube will come in handy, for you and for them. Don’t sacrifice comfort AND receive a crap hand job. Make that shit slip and slide easily.

7 Cum prepared and be vocal. The surprise cum-shot can go down a treat (pun intended) or it can instantly strike anger into the eyes of the person on the receiving end. A simple reminder is all that’s needed and you’re good to go for gold.

8 Ready, aim, and fire. Once the warning shots have been fired, you’re safe to open up. They should be in place and that will give you an idea of what’s deemed appropriate. Oh, and don’t be scared to be vocal.

9 Give them a cuddle, at least. There’s just been an exchange of fun there, a cuddle is nothing! A bit of downtime post-ejaculation is the perfect time to catch your breath and regroup on your surroundings. This is a great time to get your mind right, especially if you’re in his environment and thing are a bit foreign to you.

10 Put the metaphorical money on the dresser and hit the door. Cuddling is great and very fun, but when you think the time is right, don’t be ashamed to end the day. You can leave whenever you need to. You’re your own person, don’t give in to pressure in staying.

While this post is a little bit of fun, something that should be taken into consideration for all of this is be safe and take precautions. Condoms on tap and be vocal on your status. Be agreed on the situation before meeting up and if at any time you need to leave, get dressed and hit it.

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